Today is a day of contentment. I didn’t know that it would be – New Year’s can often be a rather melancholy time for me – but I’ve been so pleasantly surprised. But then how can a day not be sweet when begun with a trip to a friend’s – the kind of lovely person who greets you with coffee, a warm cobbler and freshly whipped cream? And then to come home to a husband knee deep in bathroom cleaning (with vacuum, 3 cleaners and laundry involved)… this is a dream come true (particularly when that was on the afternoon’s To-Do list). Two lovely friends swung by to pick up keys for housesitting and completely understood that I had a toddler in full (and inexplicable) meltdown mode. And then, just now, I pulled out a piece I had submitted to Shiny Blue You in May. They had extended the deadline to today and I thought I would pull out the piece (which, if you remember, I wrote and submitted on the day it was due – and hadn’t looked at it since) and rework it a bit. I had felt rather let down by it when I sent it in, and given the reprieve I thought I would use fresh eyes to give it a once over and then resubmit it. I pulled out the file, read it…. and loved it. I wouldn’t change a word.
Right now, I am feeling proud of myself. Hopeful that maybe I’m a little better than I give myself credit for. Full of expectation for what the year ahead will hold.
I’ve played it small the last few months… holed up at home, gone silent here, kept life in a little, manageable box. These last few days I’ve begun to play it big. Well, bigger. I’ve gone out on a limb. I’ve trusted myself. I’ve learned that letting someone know I want to be friends is not going to scare them away (how ridiculous does that sound now that I’ve written it?). I’ve begun to embrace that the creative force in me is stronger than I allow it to express, and I can trust it. I’m believing that I can do some of the things that, up until now, have seemed near impossible (like sending out prompt thank you cards, for instance). And it all feels fabulous.
My word for 2009 is create. Create writing, create relationships, create the self and the life I want and need.
Here’s to starting anew!
*** Just this very moment my two year old, who is in the midst of potty training, came over and told me she had to go potty. This is a red letter moment, friends. She’s never initiated going before. Hooray!!